Rationality between the Head and the Heart

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Decision-making made easier. A little!

If you are torn between your head and your heart, if you feel the push and the pull within you, if you are confused what decision you should make…
This is probably because you have fallen into the Heart versus the Mind Trap!

One of the most important questions I am constantly being asked as a coach is how to apply the novel wisdom of following your heart when what it says is very irrational!
People usually complain about the difficulty to give in to the heart and to ignore the logic of the mind and all common sense!

This question is actually a manifestation of a great trap we – human beings – naively have fallen into.

The undeniable fact is; science makes mistakes. More often than not it does.
And some of those mistakes are so huge they stick with the people that science itself finds it agonizing trying to set the record straight afterwards.

One of those huge mistakes is the stupid distinction between the Mind and the Heart.
Bear with me here…

The biggest chunk of our mind is tied to the heart and not to the brain. The mind is more about the heart than it is about the head.

Even linguistically speaking we cannot use the mind as a metaphor to refer to the brain in the head, because the heart is also a brain, made with well over 64% of brain cells.

So, the right distinction would be the cranial brain (the brain in the head) versus the brain of the heart.
Understanding this will help us make decisions with greater ease and confidence.

For then, we will be able to avoid the trap of “Thinking versus Emotions and Feelings” which we have believed was the case for so long, and which made us feel stuck between the two when it comes to tough decisions.
(Just imagine how many scientific research and studies are based on that mistake, accusing the heart with the head’s own crimes; Emotional Intelligence work is an example)

The truth is; both the heart and the head have their own way of thinking, and both processing result in different kinds of emotions and feelings.

The cranial brain is responsible for logical thinking, analytical thinking, and procedural thinking
It is the area of common sense.
Which means you are constantly interpreting any given situation or experience according to what is “common” knowledge inside your head. What you believe to be true due to your upbringing, your belief system (Not faith system), your education, your own theory of how the world functions, etc.
These are usually more wrong than right. Believe it or not; what is “common” for you is not that common, and it is just in your head ☺

The heart, on the other hand, is responsible for Reasoning, which is a whole different way of thinking. It is the area of “Making sense”, the area of creativity and innovation, of system frameworks and seeking meaning.
It is the source of real wisdom and Rationality.
It says the “Truth”. Well, usually!
The type of processing that happens inside the heart will also result in emotions and feelings. The kind of emotions and feelings that connect us to our highest values, bypassing the ego-centric emotions of the cranial brain.

Quick illustration;
If you want to make a certain decision and you are aware of the two forces battling inside of you. One is telling you “yes, let’s do it” and another one is holding you back in a “slow down soldier, let’s examine it further” kind of message, how to tell which is more Rational?
(Please note: I said Rational and not logical)

If the situation really requires further examination, then the heart is probably the one sending you the second message and your ego is simply excited by the prospect of some kind of personal reward or profit.
But if jumping into action is really essential, your heart would be urging you to go for it, and your head will be the one giving you a hundred excuses why it is better to wait; based on a hypothetical logical theory of how things work.
Got it?!

So here are 5 keys to identify which recommendation belongs to the heart and which belongs to the head:

1- We were given a head to serve our ego but were given a heart to serve humanity.
If the message is pointing towards “This is good for everyone”, that will be the heart talking. The decision will serve a greater good, something bigger than you.
But if the message is “This is good for me”, that will be your head serving your ego.

2-The kind of emotions that accompany the two messages will be different.
Ego-centric emotions go hand in hand with your cranial brain recommendations.
(Excitement, Frustration, Sadness, Anger, Greed, Pride…etc)
Whereas the emotions and feelings you might experience when you examine your heart’s recommendations are different. They will make you feel like a better version of you, a better human being.
And you will feel a higher value being fulfilled. (Love, Oneness, Connection, Wisdom, Contribution, Service,…etc)

3-As a rule, always respect fear – until you know where it is coming from.
Your heart is the source of courage, it is seldom afraid.
If the message is coming from fear (Fear of Dreaming, Fear of failure, Fear of Conflict, Fear of Upsetting People) that is probably your head protecting your ego.
It will offer you very logical sequence of what might occur, and very logical “what ifs” but all not real. It is just in your head.
This is Mental F E A R: False Evidence Appear Real
Real fear is rare. And nothing is mental about it ☺

4-The heart is a non-verbal brain.
Which means it doesn’t have a voice and it doesn’t rely on language to deliver its message.
So if you are hearing a voice in your head, it is probably coming from, well, your head ☺

5-The head is chatty.
The head always gives explanation and excuses. It presents a very logical argument, not necessarily a rational one though.
The heart is prompt, it lets you know what it wants and no further explanation is offered.

Putting all keys in mind we become more able to identify the recommendations coming from the heart, clearing its reputation of what it has been wrongly accused of.
And as we give it its well-earned respect we can confidently set it as a trustworthy advisor for setting the direction of our life.
We no longer allow ourselves to be led by the head, but we use it only as a tool to walk us through our journey safe and sound, and very procedurally!

Quick Advice:
Listen to the heart when it comes to your What and where To’s, and consult your head with the How To’s.

If You Have It, You Are Meant to Use It!!

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For ages people believed in order to be fully human, they should depend solely on the powers of the Verbal Brain. After all it is the logical one, the smart, and certainly the most articulate.
Those who had a natural tendency to go deeper, to live beyond language, to get lost in their own irrational feelings and choose intuition over logic -were first considered evil witches, but after the logical brain had proved that magic did not exist- were simply eyed as poor creatures who deserved our sympathy, and maybe our efforts to plant some logic inside their poor little heads.

But things have changed after science made its declaration that the Non-Verbal Brain actually rocks!

Now we all know that when it comes to real power our mighty Non-Verbal brain with its ability to process over 14 billion bits of information per second rules. And our poor limited Verbal one that only process 4 +/- 2 bits of information per second is losing ground fast.

People have just started to eye it with respect, and now are willing to do anything -logical or not- to compensate for lost times.

The movement is taking over everywhere and everyone is talking about it. A new definition of being fully human is emerging. We are celebrating Our New Powers!

Harness your intelligence with your non verbal brain, shift right, think with your body, free yourself from language, ask your toes how they are doing, let your elbows decide, check with your eyebrows before you quit your job…

And those who are still locked in their logic are considered the poor creatures that need to be rescued from their shallowness; to experience the divinity within.

History is repeating itself only to prove our stupidity!

If you have it, then you are meant to use it.

Sure sometimes your eyebrows really do have something valuable to say about your job. But you still need your language to understand what they are actually saying.

The truth is, your non verbal brain with all its powers can clutter much unneeded information and only your verbal one can sort it all out. It processes everything outside the language and let’s face it, comprehension can only happen in words. And last but not least, taking action is all what really counts when change is inevitable.

Yes, your non verbal brain can certainly help you design your perfect life, but only your verbal one can take you there.
Spending much time in the realm of your non verbal brain, you will become depressed. Relying solely on your verbal one and life will be utterly meaningless

You have both brains, both have distinct abilities. Combine and use; then you will become whole. Then you will become fully human!

Do not shift right, do not shift left. Learn how to change gears when necessary.

Why Learning a New EQ Skill Could Be Dangerous For Your Brain

A lot of young people nowadays are bombarded by trainers, coaches, motivational and inspirational speakers who try to urge and encourage them to learn a wide range of emotional and social skills.
You have to learn leadership skills, communication skills, time management skills, coordination skills, blowing your nose in public skills …etc

And a lot of young people fall for the false promise of success that is attained by acquiring those skills, and they spend a considerable amount of their money on learning and attending various trainings for that purpose.

Aside from the fact that training on those skills is not really effective (It doesn’t work people!!!) It could actually damage the neuro-connectors in their brain and weakens their hard-wired skills.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not against self-development. I am totally on board with continuous learning and expansion. But it has to be done smartly!

One of the obvious negative results is that most of young people are left overwhelmed by all the skills they think they need to acquire; they immediately feel incompetent, discouraged and doomed for failure. The success hit mark seems to be far off!

But what really matters is, if you try to acquire a skill that naturally contradicts with your strengths and talents you will probably end up average in both!

Allow me to explain by giving some examples.

I have a very close friend who is lousy at time keeping. She would say she will meet me at 8 and actually shows up at 1 instead. And doesn’t think it a big deal. She even gets upset if she finds me mildly irritated!!!!!!!
After spending so many happy years with her own perception of time, she has decided to learn time management skills and get on top of time.

Now let me share with you her strengths and talents. She is a massively creative person who works in the Art and Craft business creating fabulous designs and coming up with out of this world ideas!!!!

In her attempt to be a super time manager, it started to seem to her that it is never a good time for opening up to new ideas, it is simply time consuming. There are always things that need to be done to keep track of time. (Please note that this happened on the beyond conscious level, as her brain started to oblige to her request for time management)
She lost her appetite for work. And her ability to mix and match colours and to see patterns in her mind’s eye lessened by each passing day.

Luckily, she is back to her normal old self, enjoying her creativity that comes along with the luxury of being unconscious about time.

And I am back sipping my coffee alone… waiting!!!

Another example is people who just don’t like to follow through.

People with an Activator Strength Theme get really motivated starting a task or a project, but lose heart half way through. Or even way before half way!!
They seem unable to sit on one task for an extended period of time, as if they suffer from an itchy bottom syndrome.
Their brain is a super ideas generator machine that keeps overwhelming them with new brilliant ideas. And actually raises hell inside their heads to jump into execution.
Please note:There is a difference between someone who is an Activator and someone who is suffering from ADHD, and a third who is simply afraid from following through!(A professional coach can tell the difference)

If an Activator person tries to be more persistent and learns to follow through, he is actually taking the risk of weakening his strength!
If he shuts out the flow of ideas from his brain and forces himself to focus on the boring task at hand, his brain will learn to stop the flow altogether. And the whole world will have to suffer tremendously!

Learning a new skill should be in accordance with our own unique nature. We choose to acquire the skills that will support our natural strengths and harness our talent. That will help us do the things we are good at better.
And the decision to choose which skill to learn should be made after I know who I am and what I have been put on this earth to accomplish. And never before!
Needless to mention that learning and training will be easier and more effective, and above all it will be meaningful!!!

This whole line of thinking is a counter response to the new trend of perceiving talent as overrated.